Despite the bone aches and the weight gain from the Tamoxifen, the lymphedema in my arm and the swelling in my legs from the lymph nodes being removed, the numbness constant in my feet, no matter what physical obstacles I now live with, or the aches and pains that are part of my new body, I AM ALIVE and I WILL LIVE.
#SUSAN LINDSEY INKDROP TRIAL#
I hope I always appreciate the gifts I have found from this horrible trial in my life, stay strong, and inspire others. I’ll hold on to this strength and cherish what I’ve gained from cancer forever. With the help of my loved ones, I have stayed strong, and grown strong, stayed brave, and found courage, stayed faithful, and found trust. Second, I'm so very proud of this journey I’ve taken-we’ve taken together.And while I wish the physical changes hadn’t happened, emotionally and mentally, I’m a better person now because of cancer. That life is gone because I’ve changed physically, emotionally, and mentally. But honestly, that’s not such a bad thing. First, my “pre-cancer life” is actually gone forever.It definitely made me appreciate my messy, windblown, lake water hair at that moment!Īnd, after almost a year of doing everything I could squeeze in, I’ve realized several things. Wow, what a shocker! There I was in the boat at the lake as bald and hairless as could be-no hair, no eyelashes, no eyebrows.
When I posted some pictures on Facebook from Apache Lake, Facebook brought up previous posts from that location, some from June 2013. Oh, and how I appreciate eyebrows and eyelashes so much more. How do I know it's chemo hair here two years later? It's the part of my hair that is still curly while the newer hair is straight, and it is so damaged and dry it feels like hay when it is wet. I think I have about two more inches left before it's all gone. Last night, I cut off another two inches of chemo hair. An interesting part of hair is it truly is a timeline of your life. It’s amazing to have hair again and to not worry about how it looks or if it's just perfect, because it is fabulous that it's just there and growing! For the first year Greg measured how much my hair grew by how many times he could twist it around his finger. It has been a journey of rebuilding si nce my last treatment, two years ago today. Those relationships I will treasure forever. I continue to hold dear those who stood by me, endured the worst with me, and now continue to hang in there to support me as I adjust to how cancer has changed me as a person. I cherish family and friendships more than ever now because I can clearly see which relationships in my life were genuine and who couldn't handle facing tough times with me. I appreciate the experiences I can share with others, and the deep compassion I have for others, but especially for those facing health challenges. They just don't get how we are all here doing the best we can with the current vision we have. I do feel sad when I see people being mean, harboring hatred, and holding anger. There are fewer things that upset me or make me angry because honestly, by comparison, there just isn't anything out there that makes it worth wasting even a day being upset.
It's like the world slowed down, and all my senses became hypersensitive.
I can't believe how much more I appreciate life. As I reflect on these past two year of my recovery from treatment, and my journey in learning to live again, I find myself sad I had to fight cancer, but also actually grateful for the learning opportunities cancer has brought into my life. Wow, it seems like forever ago in some ways, and just like yesterday in others.
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